#MeToo and Me

From an extended FaceBook post last week. I decided it needed to be shared more broadly.

I said ‘God, don’t do this to me.’  And, God laughed. ~Tarana Burke

Sixteen months of being a liberal in a very conservative state has begun to take its toll on me.  I felt

better after a much needed visit with some strong women in my life over spring break. Last night, I

attended the University of Mississippi’s Women’s Empowerment Keynote Address

#UMWomensHistory2018 by Tarana Burke and felt compelled to tell my story.

Last year, I joined the Women’s March in Memphis, Tennessee, with two former students and their

friends.  I called all three of my Congressmen daily until the Senate confirmed the 45th President of

the United States’ nominee for Secretary of Education.  I rallied to support Massachusetts Senator

Elizabeth Warren when she was silenced in the confirmation hearing with what became the Feminists’

rally cry “She persisted.”  (I even replaced my pretty pink Otterbox phone case for a sleek “She

Persisted” watercolor case that didn’t protect my screen from a drop off the nightstand.)

When the allegations against prominent men in the entertainment industry morphed into the social

media #MeToo viral storm last fall, I paused.  I remembered fondly all of my former male supervisors

and colleagues in a myriad of workplaces and didn’t have anything to add. But then, I remembered

the cat-calls from construction workers as I walked home from middle school in the somewhat rural,

suburbs of northeast San Antonio.  I was 11, maybe 12. I reflected on two, very awkward, predatory

relationships in college. I was 21, maybe 22. I had never publicly spoken about these incidents. All

I could add to the conversation was “This happened to me, too!” #MeToo.

That is exactly what Tarana Burke meant when she started the movement.  That #MeToo implies that

YOU are a braver person than I am because you CAN tell the story that I cannot tell (at this time).  

#MeToo means that “I see you. I believe you. I hear you. And, I am you” creating an “exchange of

empathy.”

In addition to sharing statistics about female victims of sexual assault and harassment, Ms. Burke

reminded us that one in six (1 in 6!!) boys are victims of sexual assault and harassment, and that there

are no reliable statistics for gay, lesbian, and transgendered persons.  She asked all of us to think

about sexual assault and harassment as a disease. As such, how would we respond to a survivor?

Would we behave the same way? Thinking of the #MeToo movement this way reframes the

conversation into one that includes both sexes and all genders. Thinking of #MeToo as a “global

community of survivors” gives “power to our collective voices” and helps to “cultivate a culture of joy”,

a yearning for justice, and a decision to survive.

What hearing Ms. Burke speak about her own journey of community activism before and during

#MeToo has done for me is this -- I am empowered, energized, and willing to engage in the “radical

community healing” necessary for us to make it safe for victims to speak their truth.  Did you know --

Sexual assault is the ONLY crime that doesn’t rely solely on the verbal testimony of the victim to initiate

criminal proceedings? Process that for a moment!

So here I sit in my climate-controlled office on a university campus, sheltered by academic freedom

and tenure, pondering my role in #MeToo.  How do we move forward? Well, we do the Good Work,

the hard work, the dirty work of demanding to be part of the conversation and the solution.

If you take nothing else away from my post, take this - #MeToo isn’t just about wealthy, powerful men

in business and entertainment.  It is about everyone. #MeToo starts in preschool to create a culture of

empathy that doesn’t allow the narrative of hatred, bullying, and harassment to continue.  And, as

Ms. Burke explained last night - #MeToo doesn’t equate Bill Cosby and Emmett Till. To make such a

comparison disrespects the memory of Emmett Till - who categorically did not deserve the response

he received for whistling at a woman.  #MeToo isn’t about ending courtesy and compliments in the

workplace, but it should redefine how we think about our colleagues.

“Do Unto Others...” so someone doesn’t have to say #MeToo about you.